Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Life on surgery rotations

Alright, here is the basic look into how a med student lives during a surgery rotation. Sometimes I wonder, if you actually want to do surgery with your life, if you sit there during this rotation and just love every minute of getting shit on (not literally, usually) or if you just think that's how life is supposed to be. 

First, you get to the hospital before the bars close. The work restrictions say you can't show up before 5am, but nothing gets me out of bed faster then the cold dead eyes of my chief resident wanting to know why the paperwork isn't done. 

Speaking of paperwork, aren't we supposed to be on EMRs now? Haha sure, you can go online and see vitals, lab results, orders, everything you need for patient care. But we will continue to transcribe everything into paper charts until hell freezes over. Why? Because fuck you. 

This is the most exciting part of your day, and if you squint, it almost looks like sunshine, which is nice, because you forgot what that looks like. Roll up your sleeves and get a tan while you're waiting for Aunt Jean to roll herself off the elevator after her smoke break

Alright! Time to scrub! And if it's winter, your hands will be bleeding by the end of the rotation. The water is never warm, it's either scalding hot or freezing bitch cold. Your choice. 

Did you remember to pull your own gloves? It's not like the scrub tech has met you three surgeries ago and is well aware what size gloves you need. Alright get in line for gowns. By complete random chance, you'll be getting the disposable gown today, size XXL, that also works as a miniature greenhouse, preventing any heat or moisture from escaping the nonsterile confines of your ziplocked-in body. 

Oh, is that sunshine? Don't worry, you're just running to the next hospital for the next set of cases. Get back to work, maggot. Don't worry, only 8 more weeks!

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